Wednesday, June 20, 2012

So near, yet sofa

There’s nothing quite like relaxing on the sofa with a drink in one hand and the TV remote in the other. You may even be able to change channels if the kids haven’t stolen the batteries for their latest toy.

Of course, if you’ve just spent all your money on the latest LED LCD 3D TV with built-in HDMI, Wi-Fi and 17 other acronyms you’re probably sitting on an old milk crate that doubles as your dining table.

But sooner or later you’ll want a decent sofa, if only so you don’t have to clear the table (i.e. tip your milk crate over) every time you want to sit down.

The easiest thing to do is hire a sofa from Home Appliance Rentals. They’ll not only deliver it for free, but also move it to the perfect spot in your lounge room. (It’s not like they’ll have to move a lot of furniture.)

It also means you’ll avoid the problems of choosing the wrong sofa, such as…

The quicksand effect

While you don’t want your sofa to feel like you’re sitting on a slab of concrete (or a milk crate), you don’t want it to be too soft either. Sure it feels great sinking into the cushions, but soon your knees are around your ears and you can’t pull yourself out again. And just like the quicksand in those B-grade movies, the more you struggle, the further you sink. (You may want to start growing some vines in your lounge room, just in case.)

Tip for renters:

Hang a large painting on the wall to hide all the holes made by your grappling hook.

On the other hand, this type of sofa is perfect if you’re inviting people over to look at your holiday snaps. Just ask them to sit, and within five minutes you’ll have a captive audience—literally.

The one good thing about sinking into the depths of your sofa is you might find all your stuff that’s been swallowed up by…

The black hole effect

You might think it’s a coincidence that all your loose change winds up under the cushions. But sofas are actually an alien technology, and their design creates a field like the Death Star’s tractor beam that attracts small objects—coins, keys, food, toddlers, etc.

That’s not such a bad thing. At least you know where to look if anything goes missing. (And it’s a lot cheaper than hiring a babysitter.) The problem is trying to get everything out again. If you’re lucky, you’ll just need to remove the cushions. But with some sofas you’ll need a screwdriver, some rope, and a crash course on abseiling.

And if it’s a sofa bed you also have to watch out for…

The guillotine effect

Once upon a time, someone thought people would love to be able to turn their sofa into a bed. (This person obviously didn’t have any relatives.) So they came up with a system of springs, hinges and levers that, with just a gentle pull, could turn an ordinary sofa into a guillotine.

Oh sure, if you pull with a certain force and place your fingers in certain positions you may also be able to turn it into a bed. But it’s more likely your unexpected guests will get to sleep in your bed while you’re at the hospital getting your fingers sewn back on.

Fortunately you don’t have to worry about any of this if you hire a sofa or sofa bed from Home Appliance Rentals. They’ll quickly show you how to change it from a sofa to a bed (and vice-versa) while keeping all your digits intact.

Best of all, you won’t have to go without the essentials (electricity, food, cable television) to buy one. In fact, you can probably pay the weekly fee with your loose change.

There should be plenty under the cushions.