If you look up “regret” in the dictionary, I’m sure one of the definitions will include the phrase “12-month gym membership”.
Like most things you decide after consuming half your body weight in alcohol, it seems like a great idea to begin with. You’ll be able to come every night after work (and even on the weekend!), and there’s plenty of equipment and classes to choose from. In no time at all you’ll be the fittest you’ve ever been.
Unfortunately it doesn’t quite work out that way.
Half an hour of peak-hour traffic has transformed your enthusiasm into a kind of homicidal rage. In fact, the only exercise you’re interested in is taking a swing at every car in the parking lot with a baseball bat.
And when you walk inside, you soon realise every other person in the state is also working out after work. The aerobics classes are so full you can barely move, let alone jump around. Every piece of equipment is being used, posed on or repaired. And the combination of sweat, testosterone and ego makes you immediately want to take shower—right up to the point where you see the state they’re in.
In the end, the only workout you really get is writing the advert to sell your 51-week gym membership to some unsuspecting soul who doesn’t know any better.
A much better alternative is to hire your own gym equipment from Home Appliance Rentals. Not only will they deliver it, they’ll set it up exactly where you want it -- rumpus room, living room, your son’s bedroom (he’s hardly ever home anyway). No more driving miles out of your way. (And that’s just trying to find a parking spot!)
The equipment will always be available, and in perfect working order, so you can work out whenever you want. And if anything does go wrong, Home Appliance Rentals will fix it. (Well, maybe not if your son tried sleeping on the treadmill and is now wrapped around the conveyer belt.)
And when you’ve finished, you can have a shower knowing you’re not going to catch any nasty diseases such as Inflated Ego.
It won’t be long before you really are the fittest you’ve ever been.
And then you’ll be able to really do some damage with that baseball bat.
